Birthday memoir

                                Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it

Am I allowed to have a mid life crisis in my twenties? If the answer is NO, too late I already am. Before my birthday and even now I would wake up with panic attacks on my next steps in life. I'm forever running my own race trying to reach higher heights forgetting that I don't work on my own clock.

Truth is, I'm a planner with a minor case of OCD. Cause don't you need a plan to execute something, anything? I don't get the meaning of 'wing it' like seriously I've tried. I'm at a point in life where I'm not sure where the next step is and that alone freaks me out.  A little back story, I had a goal to be where I'm at for a year and then move on but now me moving on doesn't just depend on me but a zillion other factors; schools, managers, job openings, schedules etc. Now those are things I can't control but it still icks the hell out of me. On a great day I'm like "let go and let God" and other days I tell myself you at least need to go to God with a plan so he can help you run with it but then he's God there's already a plan aarrggghhhh Lol. It is true indeed that if you had a blueprint of life you wouldn't need faith cause faith is all I have (on most days, I'm not perfect).

Boss!

The good thing is after a while I finally came to one conclusion amidst the thousand of ideas. At least I thought I did, until a God-sent friend of mine made me aware of so much more that I was missing and now I'm back to square one. I remember just being so broken after our conversation but then now I actually appreciate it cause I'm not diving into anything blind. I've seen the light. I just have to figure out (by that I mean let God) how the other paths align with whatever decision I make. My take on all this confusing words without really saying anything is, there will be a lot of times (granted this is my first) where you have no idea where tomorrow will lead but you have to play your part and wake up and face each day and never forget to fight your fears and weaknesses in prayer. The other key thing too is pay attention to your surroundings and what is happening every step of the way. God doesn't do coincidence! Most times I look up and smile knowing it just had to be him!

Just incase you thought I couldn't pull off flats too.

If you relate to this, my remedy is breathe, take it one day at a time and did I mention pray? Lol I can't emphasize this enough. On top of that, talk to people, experience is the best teacher and they can tell you what approach they used and lastly do your research. I know it takes a while but things sort of always fall in place.

I know not what my unknown tommorows will bring, but I'll keep holding my head up and think positive. If I should stumble or fall, I will get back on my feet and learn to stand tall. Now, I probably won't be number one but I will finish the race.

In my moms words : "I born am" Lmaooo

Greatest takeaway for life in general is as long as you are facing the right direction, the size of the steps don't matter and I'll end it with these words my sister-friend Maria ;) reminded me of; " Many are the plans in a mans heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails"

Excuse my face. Focus on the foot work (when ya create angles)!

I hope you find it in you to stay the course. The best part of life is the journey not the destination. Sending Love and light your way!


                                                                Peace&Love CeeTee